thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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