I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
