Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
