look no pants
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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