Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
