You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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