She went from zero to smokin in five shots
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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