My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i dont even know how to be here
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
