her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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