I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
