he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
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I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
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Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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