he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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