he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Never underestimate the power of titties
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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