nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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