did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
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She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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