My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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