Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
