Will you blow on my dice?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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