if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
