Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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