Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
