You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just googled if crying burns calories
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
