my phone needs a breathalizer
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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