that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
