Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
