pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
