this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Boobs are out for the taking
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
