did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
