Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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