you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.