I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.