I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
