I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
