The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
