I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
