Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
