she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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