too bad you live with your parents still
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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