Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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