the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
