He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
