I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
