I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
