Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
