Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
