i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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