And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
