i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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