one two three fourrrrnication!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
