HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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