did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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