just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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