How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
