I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
This is my gift to your gina
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
