My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
