She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
