My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
