i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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