I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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