we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
