Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
