Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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