Having a random hookup so left but love u
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
