i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
