Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
