If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
