I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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