i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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